Monday, September 2, 2013

Day 62 through to 64 - Psyche

I always find it interesting being in situations where you can study the interactions of people that you don't really know. Social studies and Cultural Anthropology always seemed to me more idle past times rather than formal subjects but they are interesting. From a scientific perspective all of these studies seem guaranteed to be biased by the observer but as this is hardly trying to be rigorous, I thought I would put down some thoughts on my family here in Orange County. This blog may well be published late due to family commitments and I may end up having the post cover multiple days but hopefully the musings will at least be of interest.

My Uncle, who is married to my father's sister, is the boss of the family, in every way. He gets what he wants, when he wants, how he wants. There are no arguments, he has to be the greatest person in the room at all times. This cult of personality extends so far that even the families of his sons wives are beholden to him. He has to be the benevolent dictator in the eyes of all and hates to be in the wrong or shown up in any way. This personality shapes a lot of the following people.

I really don't know how to explain my Aunt, I don't really understand her or why she is with my Uncle. She seems to have very little sense of self and is focused almost entirely on doing stuff for other people. This seems to be something common to the more traditional women in Indian families. She and the other older women in the extended family will typically serve the men (and younger women) and then go to another room to eat after. This drives me nuts but seems to be the norm here. It also highlights the fact that when coming in and leaving, you are expected to pay great reverence to elders but whilst you are actually they it seems the correct behavior is to basically pretend they don't exist.

The eldest child of my Aunt and Uncle is their only daughter, she seems to have done the best of breaking free of the mould, she is an equal in the eyes of her brothers which is really quite an achievement. Despite this, she has married a guy that has a lot of the chauvinistic tendencies of her father. He is a good man who works hard but still firmly believes that a woman belongs at home with the kids... and she has 4 of them! As such she really has struggled to achieve her potential professionally.

The Eldest son is the favorite and the apple of his father's eye, in the same business, doing everything right and trusted to do things without direct supervision and constant criticism. He still faces a lot of pressure and cares a great deal for his siblings but I don't think he is aware of how lucky he has had it.

The Middle son has the failing of moving away and choosing another career. He has risen in rank in his father's eyes thanks to his son, the youngest of the 5 grandchildren but the only one that has their grandfather's surname.

The Youngest son is the failure in whatever he does. He works harder than any of the others a lot of the time but after a life of criticism - he seems to spend most of this hard work on avoiding blame / pulling in the wrong direction / taking shortcuts. I really do feel that if he had been praised a little more often and belittled a little less - he might have made more of himself. As things are, I dread to think where he will be in ten years but I don't think things will end well.

I love my nephews. Every time I see them it makes me realize how much I would like to have kids on day and all of them are pretty well behaved, full of life and happy. The eldest is prone to exaggeration and outright lying which he is not called on nearly as much as he should be... actually he isn't really ever called on it. The second son is the charismatic one which means he is the apple of his grandad's eye and able to get away with a lot. This behavior means that he will often bully his younger brothers and won't often bother hiding what he's doing. The two youngest are twins and still young enough that it is hard to tell personality.

So after a weekend of being the 'nephew who works at Google' because this is the label that bestows the greatest vicarious prestige. I am back to Mountain View... or at least I hope to be... I am currently sat waiting for a flight that is 3hrs delayed.

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