It feels that I am rather lacking in inspiration with these posts of late. Many are somewhat scheduled and probably of little to no interest to anyone else (namely the food blogs and movie blogs). Occasionally I have brief flashes of inspiration - some subject that I could really get my teeth into and before I have a chance to write it down or record it - it has evaporated.
I am not really sure where I stand in this 'grand venture'. I didn't really think too much about what it would be like when I was out here. It is always hard to look back into the past and avoid applying knowledge learned later but I guess before coming out here there were so many unknowns, so many possibilities that there was no point in trying to plan anything to much. I know I wanted to do some writing, I wanted to catch up on some reading and try to get Talisman played.
Actually writing this out I am recalling much more clearly what I had hoped for - an opportunity for some introspection and a chance to look into myself. I wanted to loose some weight and come back feeling better.
I guess I really ought to try and refocus on these priorities. I feel like these objectives have gotten a little lost in my usual rush to be accepted. I am not good around new people, I am not out going among strangers, especially in large groups. I think part of me has been thinking about relocating, about what it would be like to be out here permanently and I am realizing that really isn't what I want. California is glorious, the offices are amazing, the weather is perfect, the people are welcoming, but it isn't where I want to be, where my friends are. I miss London and I think that instead of trying to hid from that. I need to focus on the things I came here to work on and improve my inner self. I will make sure I still do and see the things I want to, but I need to stay focused, and be content to do things on my own, not rely on having company as I normally do.
I can feel myself on the verge of another downward slide and I really can't afford to be doing that any more, I need to find balance.
Hmmm so this seems to have turned rather circumspect... let's completely undermine that by talking about movies. I watched two when I got home today:
Salmon Fishing in the Yemen is really a fine example of an English feel good movie. It has the same flow, no fear of having realistic older characters in prominent roles not just 'fount of knowledge' as Hollywood paints them.
I also watched John Carter... fuck knows why. I think the morbid curiosity - the question of whether it really is as bad as everyone said... well yes, yes it is. I feel that with better acting it could have been a lot like Avatar... not saying much but there we go.
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